Director: Alan Roberts
Runtime: 91 min
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: USA:R

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Karate Cop is the most unlikely of sequels. One of the most blatantly bland excuses for an action move I’d ever seen somehow produces a semi-hilarious B action flick that I am extremely glad to have in my library? I would never have guessed.

The last cop on Earth, John Travis, is back for another go-round as an unlucky hero who clings to his former career, even though the rest of the planet has fallen to pieces and has become a world where only the strong survive. The young and the weak are prayed upon by thugs and gangsters, bent on controlling what’s left of the planet, and having as much sadistic fun as they can in the process. After an hilariously heroic introduction, Travis is tasked with protecting several dozen children, the last in a cityscape filled with dangerous Continue »

Director: David Benullo
Runtime: 83 min
Language: English
Color: Color
Format: 1.85:1
Sound Mix: Dolby Digital 5.1
Certification: USA:NR

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Genius Products, the guys who helped bring us Quentin Tarantino’s Deathproof, had a hand in producing this very finished, but incredibly bland, direct-to dvd supernatural horror/thriller. I pulled HG off of the shelf based solely upon the tagline on the box, “You can’t bury terror.” I don’t know if they have a Pulitzer offshoot category for ‘most amazingly nonsensical quote that somehow does it’s job in getting people to rent a movie’, but whoever managed to force that nugget from the right side of their brain should take it home for 2007.

Hallowed Ground takes place in a tiny rural town that is somehow fully functional and yet consists of less than 30 people. Our heroin, Liz, played by Jaimie Alexander, Continue »

Directed By: Michael Oblowitz
Release Date: 18 June 2005 (USA)
Tagline: Half Man. Half Shark. Total Terror
Also Known As: Hammerhead (USA) (DVD box title), SharkMan (International: English title)
MPAA: Rated R for violence.
Runtime: 92 min / Germany:88 min (DVD version)
Country: Aruba / USA
Language: English
Color: Color
Certification: Germany:18 / Netherlands:16 / USA:R

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Sharks have always held a special place in my heart. In fact, I have a vivid memory of the very first picture I ever drew that I was happy with: A wholesome little crayon piece detailing a shark sinking its teeth into a helpless recreational swimmer. At that moment I knew I wanted to be an artist. Continue »

Directed By: Randy Daudlin
Tagline: Hunger Pains have a whole new meaning….
Country: Canada
Language: English
Color: Color

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Sometimes I wish I could take a movie, chop out the excess fat, burn my own version, erase the entire experience from memory and watch it all over again. Such is the case with Randy Daudlin’s monster flick Bottom Feeder.

This almost-good creature feature begins with the story of a famous geneticist hired by a billionaire burn victim to develop a serum to regenerate dying cells. The geneticist ends up producing more theories than results, and gets an overdose of his own medicine forced into his jugular. He is thrown into the cellar of an old hospital and left to survive off nothing but rats. The side effects of his overdose make him acquire the genetic traits of his food and he begins mutating into a rather lame and not very scary looking Rat-Man. Continue »

Directed By: Alvin Ecarma
Also Known As: Alvin Ecarma’s Lethal Force (USA) (promotional title)
Country: USA
Language: English
Color: Color

BUY IT…THAT’S AN ORDER!

If there is one movie genre that never ceases to amaze me with sheer stupidity, it is not B-Horror…it is B-Action. Something about the muscle bound pretty boys like Jean Cleade Van Damme and the painfully persistent Steven Seagal running around killing hooligan after hooligan of multi-millionaire drug-lord after multi-millionaire drug-lord drives me bonkers. Maybe it’s just me. But one good thing came out of this relentless stream of nonsense, and that is the nearly perfect B-Action Spinoff Lethal Force.

So unlike many of my other recent reviews where I begin trash talking in the second paragraph, I am instead going to start giggling like a little school boy as I attempt to express just how bad-fucking-ass Lethal Force really is. Continue »

Directed by: Daniel De La Vega
Also Known As: Muerte conoce tu nombre, La (Argentina) (working title)
Country: Argentina
Language: English
Color: Color

Buy it for the sake of giving me some money through the Amazon affiliates program.

Death Knows Your Name is the final flick from Maverick entertainment that I will ever be watching. That’s it. No more.

The plot has something to do with a mysterious skull and a weird disease in a hospital. It’s basically a wannabe Lovecraftian story that isn’t actually based on a Lovecraft story. I’m not even going to try to explain it. Nor am I going to rip into how boring it is. Instead, here is a list of movies you should watch that did what this movie wants to, but were a B-zillion times better: Continue »